The Heart Of The Secret 1 - Intention And Acceptance

In writing this blog, I'm hoping to share ideas about life which may be useful to other people, but also - a lot of the time - trying to work things out for myself. Clarity comes and goes. Sometimes I think I've got all my ducks in a line and everything makes perfect sense. Then someone posts a comment and suddenly I'm all over the place with feathers flying everywhere. "Whaat?" I cry, "How does that fit in?"

But that's OK - it's what it's all about. Yet it can be inconvenient if I'm just in the middle of writing a post...

Leaving the quantum physics aside (which I always find is best unless I particularly want a headache) there's nowhere I've struggled more in the whole spirituality area than with the law of attraction, that idea which was so successfully popularized earlier this year by the DVD The Secret. This is the idea that we can create our own reality by the power of our positive thoughts. I've written about this before in Positive Thinking For Beginners and also in the comments to another previous post, The Secret Antidote.

One particular problem I have is in reconciling the law of attraction with acceptance of what is.

If you've been reading this blog in the last month or so, particularly the posts How Does It Feel To Win A Million? and Ripples On A Sea Of Peace, you'll know that I'm pretty big on 'acceptance'. Indeed, it seems to me that acceptance, as in truly accepting and being OK with whatever is in our lives right now, may be the real big 'secret' of life, rather than the law of attraction.

Acceptance is all about not arguing with reality, which is something we do all the time but (when you think about it) makes absolutely no sense at all. "The buses should run on time", "Chocolate shouldn't make you fat", or "You shouldn't have walked out on me", are the sort of things we say every day, but they don't get us very far if they're simply denying the way things actually are. This sort of denial of reality uses up a vast amount of energy but we don't realize what's happening because we've been doing it all our lives. If we can let go of that resistance, and feel our whole body relax as we stop saying "no" to what's happening now, we may suddenly feel an incredible burst of freedom. (Read more about this here.)

But how can we have this acceptance of life yet also use the law of attraction to bring about changes?  Do we have to choose either one or the other approach?

At first glance, there does seem to be conflict here, yet when you actually read the small print of the law of attraction, the conflict falls away. To make the law of attraction work, you have to be free of attachment to whatever outcome you're trying to bring about. This is kind of skated over in The Secret but it's very important. In fact, it's one of several important features of the law of attraction which you could easily miss if you watch The Secret, and which I intend to highlight in this series of posts.

So just to get this straight: what you have to do is to put the intention out there - imagine whatever you want to happen - and then let it go. You can't be thinking "I do hope this works..." or it won't! It's necessary for you to imagine richly and passionately whatever you want to bring into being and then be willing to accept whatever happens.

Why is this non-attachment so important?

What we are told is that the law of attraction takes things very literally. It brings into being whatever thoughts we're putting out there. So if what we're doing is wanting something, that's exactly what we get: a situation of want. We don't actually get that shiny new car (or whatever it may be) but we create a reality in which we very much want a shiny new car. Which almost certainly isn't the outcome we had in mind! So to be successful,  you have to keep the wanting out of the equation. Put the intention out there and then let go.

Another important factor is the need to keep unhelpful, negative thoughts at bay.  A big problem with putting the law of attraction into practice is that thoughts such as "What if it doesn't work?" and "What if I don't deserve it?" tend to creep in. These thoughts tend to push whatever we're trying to bring into being away from us, undermining the whole process. If we can drop the attachment, however, and be easy with whatever the outcome may be, then such anxious, negative thoughts need no longer trouble us. Why should they, once we are willing to accept whatever may be? As I like to put it: we can have whatever we want, once we realize that we no longer need it.

I've described this problem with negative thoughts at greater length in the previous post, How To Have It All, and it's the main reason why I personally find the classic 'imagine what you want and get it' version of the law of attraction hard to put into practice. I fully accept that this isn't a problem for everyone however: such as, for instance, people who have a very positive disposition (the sort of people who will tend to be successful even if they never read a self-development book in their lives!); and those who are enlightened, who have total acceptance of whatever may be, who understand that worldly circumstances can never be a source of lasting happiness.

But where does this leave the rest of us? Should we forget all about the law of attraction? Should we put The Secret back in its box and list it on eBay?

No, that's not what I'm suggesting. Though I don't believe that the law of attraction is the universal panacea that some have claimed, there are lots of things in The Secret that are valuable to us all. In this series of posts, I want to focus on what I believe are the most important aspects of The Secret, one of which does not even appear in the film, only in the accompanying book. They are things that you might have missed, yet it seems to me that they lie at the very heart of The Secret - and they may be particularly valuable to those who have so far found it difficult to put the law of attraction into practice...

Coming next: The Heart Of The Secret 2 - Walk Before you Run!

 

This may also be of interest:

How To Have It All

Comments

[RubyShooZ]

I'm not sure I should even comment here but ...here I go anyway. The reason I say that is because I have not read the book, seen the movie nor have I clicked on the links to past articles here. I know, bad girl but I still do have something to add.

Just hearing the name "The Secret" when I heard of the book I knew it was something I didn't need to read. I see most of the self-help type of books these days and something that I really can skip.

I've found the tranquility, the peace, the serenity and the love that is within me to be sufficient to get me through and even to thrive. It's been a long strange trip for me through this life and I've learned so many things - no, I'm not saying I'm done learning that I now know it all - not in the least. I will never stop learning and I remain open to the teachings that life and people along the journey have to offer.

The secret for me, through a long process of trial and error has been to look inside for those things that will bring me what I want, what I need. No, we can't always get what we want.....but if we try sometimes...y'all know the rest.

The point I think you are getting at in your post, or one of the points is yes, detatchment or rather non-attachment as you said. We just let the stuff, the wanting, the desire - we let it go and in letting it go, we are free to concentrate on the positive in life - the positive in ourselves. When we are open to things we should never be surprised to find the very best comes our way.

It's taken a long time for me to get to this point...for me to realize that things really are okay the way they are and that yes, we can work to make things better and the first thing we can work on is our outlook. Once we work on ourselves being okay, being perfect, warts and all, then and only then can we begin to make things better in our world and be in harmony with it.

Much peace and love to you today - whoever you are reading this.
~ RS ~

[Bet]

Have you studied/read a Course in Miracles. That should put a bullet through this claptrap. The ego, if it feels itself endangered will assume many guises - even spiritual ones - without giving up anything. However the important thing is to know and accept roughly where we are (if we are in ego - fine) and not get caught up in even further illusion.

[Square1]

I'm a Secret skeptic. I do believe that thinking positively can be a step towards more positive living, but not necessarily because of the law of attraction. I believe that positive thinking keeps our focus on what we want, which motivates us to work for what we want. In order to do this though we do have to accept where we are. It's hard to plot a course to a destination if you don't know or cant's accept where you are starting from.

[vinni]

positive thinking and achieving what u want from your life go all the way together. if there element of positive thinking is missing, then the whole idea is of no use. positive thinking is also a good motivator, perhaps the best. many times, i would just speak to myself and tell myself positive things so as to keep myself going at it still. when the low tide hits., its the positive thinking that keeps me going. perhaps for everyone if they put their minds to it

[cardiogirl]

I liked the fresh spin you put on this statement: "Acceptance is all about not arguing with reality."

I'm currently having a lot of issues with acceptance and I like the way that is phrased.

Now as for the Secret, I'm still skeptical, but intrigued by your whittling through to the core of things.

[Mark]

I love your thoughts on LOA. True we must not have attachment to the results. Looking forward to your other thouhts on LOA.

[Sue Ann Edwards]

At the mention of the word 'intentions', I just couldn't resist.

http://sueannedwards.wordpress.com/2007/10/26/karma/

[Liara Covert]

I live my life according to a number of principles presented in The Secret, but I did this before I ever heard of the book. Its a useful tool to motivate people and help them open their senses to ideas and options they might not have thought about. If it inspires people, this is great.

To me, its possible to explore states of consciousness and to raise awarenss as we gain insight into how to tap into our own energy. The Secret doesn't get into how to strenghten and expand your physical senses on levels of physicality and emotion. But as you choose to evolve, learn and become more attuned to yourself, you may be inspired to discover other things.

[alex]

Thought-provoking post. Whether we are open or not to particular parts of reality we choose a stance -- one of acceptence or one of denial. In denial, oddly we attract the thing we don't want. So, the trick is recognizing the law of attraction is ever-present, whether we are aiming to use it for positive creation or unconsciouse destruction

[Marion]

It takes awhile for me to fully accept a person, place or thing, sometimes. I know I have conquered the bargaining, denial, anger, etc. of the process when my third and fourth chakras...the solar plexus and heart...feel eased...all the time.

It seems to me, when I worry and forget to Let Go and Let God, I just get more worry and the feeling of not having enough intensifies.

When I finally accept that everything is exactly the way it's meant to be, right now, the tension eases. The Serenity Prayer, when I finally use it, if I'm in a conundrum, is the one that helps me on my way.

I'm looking forward to more on this series, Simon. Acceptance of where I am, how I got here...a subject dear to my heart!

Great post!

[Secret Simon]

It's great to get so many comments. Thanks to you all for tapping those keys. I've a lot of responses to make, so I might have to do a few at a time. We'll see how it goes...

Ruby – I suspect that you and I are really in complete agreement! And yes, of course it is fine to comment even if you haven’t seen or read 'The Secret'. Your comment is very valuable and apart from anything else, the material which 'The Secret' contains isn’t really a secret anyway. The law of attraction has been explained elsewhere a great many times – though usually less simplistically!

A few points:

1) I agree that we should look inside ourselves for what we feel we need. As all is One, we are complete in ourselves. We have all the resources we need inside us, but we have to *use* them. We have to take action. It one of the failings of 'The Secret' that it kind of gives the impression that there is some kind of power *out there* which will do it all for us – presumably while we sit at home drinking beer and watching TV. This is one of the points I want to clarify in this series of posts.

2) Something else I need to clarify: when I talked about ‘letting go’ in this post, I was talking about imagining what we wish to bring into being and then *putting it out of our minds*. This is to aid non-attachment and stop us being prey to negative thoughts such as “what if I don’t get it?” or “what if it doesn’t work?” We still hold the intention. We just don’t consciously dwell upon it.

3) However, I empathize very much with what you seem to be saying about focusing on the positive in general rather than specific desires. You’ve hit the bull’s eye really, because this is what I believe is by far the most powerful way for us to use the law of attraction. I’ll be focusing on this in the third and fourth posts in this series.

4) And yes, Ruby, acceptance is indeed the real ‘secret’. The law of attraction is only a sub-clause. Once you have true acceptance, intention simply follows in its wake.

[Secret Simon]

Bet – Thanks for your stimulating comment. I must admit that I’ve only dipped my toes in A Course In Miracles. I have it all on CD, so I really ought to press the ‘play’ button sometime. But when you say ‘the important thing is to know and accept roughly where we are’, I fully agree with you (please see my response to Ruby above). I also accept what you say about the various guises of the ego. There many such traps on the spiritual path, a principal one being “I am enlightened – that makes me special!”, for instance. And of course if we find that we can create our own reality, that is another excuse to strut around and preen our feathers.

But I wonder if it is right to shy away from such things because of this danger? I am wary of any action which might be seen as being motivated by fear. Surely it is better to accept that we will fall into such traps at some point on our journey but learn to recognize them for what they are and thereby grow? Just a thought.

I mentioned to Ruby the less specific techniques I'm going to describe in parts three and four of this series. I shall be interested to know what you make of those, Bet.

Square1 – It’s great to hear from you – welcome to ‘The Secret Of Life’! I’m pleased to see that you too believe in acceptance. That’s three in a row – four, if you count me! – and I repeat my belief that this is the real ‘secret’.

You are quite right too, of course, that positive thinking is useful whether you believe in the law of attraction or not. And if you *don’t * believe in the law of attraction, there’s nothing I can do to prove it to you. Bet used the word ‘claptrap’ in her comment, and one undoubted piece of claptrap is the assertion in the book of 'The Secret' that the law of attraction is *proven* by quantum physics, no supporting argument being given! As I suggested in my earlier post, 'The Nature Of The Universe', a lot of these spiritual ideas are *consistent* with quantum physics, but that isn’t the same as proof. I do, however, find the parallels appealing.

[Secret Simon]

Vinni – I see that, like Square 1, you are a great believer in positive thinking. As you say, it is a great motivator. The law of attraction goes beyond that by claiming that our thoughts can literally attract what we want to us, as though they are a physical force. Certainly, positive people seem to be able to achieve a great deal, often far beyond their apparent ability. The point is: do they manage all this because of motivation – or is some other force really at work?

Cardiogirl – I like to think I come up with some great turns of phrase myself but unfortunately ‘arguing with reality’ isn’t one of them! That one comes from Eckhart Tolle. But isn’t it a great way of summing up the sheer lunacy of the way we’re accustomed to think?

I hope you continue to find this series intriguing…

Mark – I know you’ve done some excellent posts on the law of attraction on your blog, so I find your approval encouraging! Perhaps I’m on the right lines…

Sue Ann – I guess the post you've linked to is a reminder of what happens if our intentions are ego-driven. It seems to me that another post of yours is also relevant here: http://sueannedwards.wordpress.com/2007/10/10/an-attachment-part-2/

A brief quote from that post: “Ministering was the tone and the essence of the past 2000 years. Conscious creation is the tone and the essence of the next 2000 years.”

It seems to me that acceptance rather than intention is the path to enlightenment. But once we are there, what shall we choose to create?

[Secret Simon]

Liara - As you say, 'The Secret' can be a useful source of inspiration and a gateway into spiritual ideas for those who are new to them. There's some very good stuff in it, as I hope to show in this series of posts. The trouble is: it is all too easy for people to misread 'The Secret', in which case the only thing it will inspire is a shopping list of material wants.

Alex - Welcome to the blog! You make a very good point. The law of attraction is indeed working all the time, whether we are aware of it or not. The universe is responding to our thoughts, and if the results are muddled and rather negative, then there might be a reason for this! So the question is not really whether we can make the law of attraction work for us but whether we can use it to produce a positive outcome.

Marion - Another vote for acceptance! What you say about worry feeding upon itself echoes Alex's point, I think: it's the law of attraction at work in a negative way. It is also, of course, the chattering mind at work, a tireless factory amplifying our pain. But if we can just let that go... That feeling of release, of the tension easing, is a wonderful thing, is it not? Like the weight of a lifetime lifting off our shoulders. I think I shall have to do a visualization on this, so that maybe a few more people can experience that release for themselves...

Thanks for all your contributions. I hope you enjoy the rest of the 'Heart Of The Secret' series - let me know what you think!

[Joel]

The 'wanting' paragraph was really helpful and so was this article.

[Secret Simon]

Welcome to The Secret Of Life, Joel - do call again! I'm glad you found this useful - thanks for letting me know...

[Ethan Meadow]

I enjoyed the Secret and think it had some very insightful things to say. Certainly not as complete of a relatioship adventure I think people expected. Marci Shimoff of Chicken Soup fame has a new book Happy For No Reason http://www.happyfornoreason.com/Products/HappyBook that has some great information for relationships and life. The stories in her book are delightful and I enjoy all the stories from people that are truely happy.

[Secret Simon]

Hi Ethan! It's great to hear from you and thanks for your recommendation.