Foreign Bodies

After all those serious posts about The Secret, it's high time for an anecdote. So here's one about guess what?: the law of attraction. But I warn you, it's not for the squeamish. I mean, it's really not for the squeamish. This is an official warning.

But it's quite funny, I think...

Chris recently drew my attention to the fact that I'd put on a bit of weight. So I checked on the scales and found that, yes, I'd put on half a stone (about eight pounds). This was a bit of a problem. How was I going to lose it? You see, I don't really do diets. I try but they don't seem to take. The truth is: I like the eating too much.

And yet, thinking back, I realized that I do sometimes lose weight. It usually happens by accident, due to some fortuitous circumstance or other. Like, er, gastroenteritis - that's been a popular one over the years. But I thought it best not dwell on that one too much: what we focus on grows. I'd learned that much from all those posts I did about the law of attraction.

So guiding my thoughts swiftly on, I tried to think what else had turned up to make me lose weight over the years. Well, there was falling in love with Chris. That seemed to do the trick at the time - the pounds fairly rolled off me. But I'd already been and done that one. There was always the chance of an affair on the side, I supposed, but Chris might not like it and I didn't want to upset her.

So what could I do? How was I going to lose those extra pounds?

I decided that something would probably turn up...

Carbohydrates are my downfall. I can eat muesli till it's coming out of my ears. Gluten free muesli, that is, because I find I'm best without too much gluten in my diet. Another favorite is gluten free porridge, made out of rice and millet flakes. Yum.

I was helping myself to some of this the other morning, pouring it into the bowl to warm it up in the microwave, when I suddenly noticed something strange in it, which I took to be some sort of husk. A millet husk, I supposed, not knowing very much about millet or how it grew or anything. The truth is: I tend not to know a great deal about anything much. I'm remarkably incurious really (except when it comes to the meaning of life and stuff like that).

But I'm quite good at eating things...

Anyway, I thought I'd better take a look at this thing in the porridge, so I went and got my glasses and found to my surprise that it wasn't a husk at all. It was an insect. Quite a big insect as it happened. It had its wings outstretched as though it was about to fly away - but it wasn't going to go anywhere. It was far too dead for that. And far too toasted.

My first thought was to pick the insect out and carry on making the porridge. After all, that's what you'd do if you were washing vegetables, wasn't it? And I was really looking forward to that porridge...

But I decided that I really ought to take a closer look at the packet. And that's when I noticed that there were other things in there as well. Things that also looked like cereal husks - but on closer inspection, weren't.

On closer inspection, the packet contained rather a lot of dead insects.

Suddenly, I didn't feel very much like the porridge any more.

And that wasn't the end of it. There were other things in the packet as well: things that were harder to identify. I delved inside and picked one of them up to take a closer look and found that it was attached to a string of grains of millet as though they were all on a necklace. My mouth was gaping wide open in awestruck wonder by this time. I seemed to have found a kind of Aladdin's Cave of Yuck. I saw that what I was holding, with the grains of millet attached, was a string of white cotton.

Well, that settled it then! I was going to have to complain about this...

My mind started making connections now. I had previously only identified the insects as 'insects'. That had seemed to be all I needed to know. Delving any further into the zoological details would have seemed over-fastidious. But now I realized that these creatures were actually moths. And moths eat cotton, don't they?

Which kind of made sense - and yet didn't. I mean, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Was the cotton in the porridge to start with and then the moths found their way in, attracted by the cotton? Or was it that the moths were in there first and then some concerned operative at the porridge works came along and fed them some cotton in case the poor things should starve? Or else - my mind was going into overdrive now - had one of the operatives fallen into the vat of flakes and these threads of cotton were all that remained of his T Shirt? In which case, where was the rest of the operative? Was he all mashed up in another part of the porridge?

I threw a sidelong glance at the packet. It was sitting there looking all innocent, apparently filled to the brim with its humdrum load of rice flakes, millet flakes and dead moths - yet did it also hold a sinister secret?

I thought it best not to delve any deeper...

So I took the porridge back to the store and complained. The young lady at the desk looked suitably horrified. She took a look at the packet.

"I didn't realize that's what 'organic' meant," she said.

"Neither did I," I told her.

So they gave me my money back there and then - how's that for customer service? - and told me that the packet would be sent to their laboratory for inspection. I would hear from them in due course...

I d*mn well better do...

But I kept quiet about the terrible truth - I was too scared that I would throw up all over the customer services counter if I told them about it.

The truth was that I'd actually bought two packets of porridge. And I'd already eaten the other one.

I'm definitely going to put on my glasses when I fix my breakfast in future...

"What do you fancy for tea?" asked Chris, when I got back from the store.

I told her that I didn't feel very hungry.

And indeed, I haven't felt very hungry ever since.

So what did I tell you? I knew that something would come along. There's the law of attraction for you...

Because it seems to me that I'm not going to be putting on very much weight over Christmas, not this year.

I'll be sliding into those skinny jeans in no time...

 

This may also be of interest:

The Heart of The Secret

Comments

[Sue Ann Edwards]

(Smiling) A little extra protein in your cereral? My, you got more then you paid for!

My 1st husband was a chemical engineer in the food processing industry...you really DON'T want to know the stories

And as for our weight, there are many of us reporting a side effect of expanding our awareness, as gaining weight, as if our subconsicous feels we have to have a bigger place to house our expanded sense of self.

This weight (or mass) is often needed 'down the road' in order to offset a lot of internal processing and cleansing.

Whether we're gaining or losing the importance, I'd say, is Allowance. Allow our bodies to adjust and love our bodies no matter whether our weight goes up or down.

With as much emotional insecurity as our mass consciousness is radiating, a great many people are subconsciously reacting by putting on pounds, as if in fear of scarcity for the future.

[Timothy]

Hi, my name is Timothy Tang and I have just completed the book, "Real answers to The Meaning of Life and finding Happiness".

Many people feel that the interpretation to The Meaning of Life question is too subjective to have any definite objective answer but I have managed to formulate a real and objective answer based on facts to the ultimate question of human existence.

The book also sheds light on a new understanding of emotions such as Anger, Desire, Fear, Guilt, Temptation and Love.

I have made a blog that introduces the book. Do check it out.

http://ultimatemeaningoflife.blogspot.com

[Secret Simon]

Thanks, Sue Ann - that's great. I've emailed your response to my wife but I'm not entirely sure she's convinced!

[Secret Simon]

Hi Timothy - Your book sounds interesting but I might be more inclined to take a look at your blog if you hadn't just spammed me. A more effective way of going about things is to comment first on what *I've* said (or on another post if you happen to have no views on adulterated foodstuffs) and then perhaps subtly introduce the subject of your book. Or if your comment's interesting enough, I'll probably take a look at your blog in any case. Otherwise it's like going to a party and meeting someone new and talking about yourself while ignoring what they're saying in return.

But never mind, because I'm teaching myself acceptance at the moment and your comment has offered me further useful practice. And I don't suppose you're reading this anyway because you'll be too busy writing your next book. And the real reason I'm a bit peeved is because I finished *my* book over a year ago and I still haven't managed to get it 'out there' - too busy leaving thoughtful comments on other people's blogs. D*mn!

[Sue Ann Edwards]

Roar! The gnats and tse-tse flies are swarming! Good for you, you swatted it!

These are signs of desperate acts {{Simon}}, so give yourself some credit for not being desperate.

People are begging for attention everywhere, shower it where you please...giving it to yourself and your own Joys.

[Marion]

Simon! This same thing happened to my daughter with Quaker Oats Granola, years ago. She had always searched her food, before she ate it, and this one morning, got more than she bargained for. We took it back to the store for a refund; then received a huge box of Quaker Oats products from the manufacturer.

I laughed as I read this...a very well written post! Those little bugs used to be in flour, too...part of the reason it was sifted. ick

[Guilty Secret]

I loved this post. It just left me all smiles and warmth! It's something about the way your wrote it... I could feel your good nature shining through :)

[cube]

Aladdin's Cave of Yuck. lol!

You can bet that I will be putting on my glasses & checking my future food after reading this post.

I find that my presbyopia is only handy while cleaning the house. Everything looks clean without my glasses ;-)

[Grace]

lolollllllll

ok...As someone who's been using affirmations for weight loss (lolol) this post just really tickled me.

SIMON - There must be a better - less yucky way to do this. Personally, I'm going with Sue Anns theory - we've simply added a little "umphf!" so that we have enough to keep grounded with all this ascension business going on!

;)

[Secret Simon]

Sue Ann - I think it's true that a lot of people are clamoring to be heard these days. When I was young, people seemed to think it was very strange that I wanted to be a writer. These days, it sometimes seems like everyone wants to do it, and the harsh truth is that not every would-be writer can reach a substantial audience.

Maybe this doesn't matter though. Perhaps we need to understand that to reach just one person with whatever we have created is enough. And if we are indeed all One, then an audience of one person or of many millions amounts to pretty much the same thing.

[Secret Simon]

Thanks Marion! It's interesting you should say that your daughter received more Quaker Oats when you complained. Guess what I just received in the post? Another box of yummy gluten-free porridge.

Thanks for your lovely comment, GS! I'm glad the post made you smile. It's true that I set out to present what happened as a funny story rather than getting all upset about it, which may be the source of the feel-good factor you mention. I even decided *not* to name the manufacturer, though I have to admit that this resolve has been tested by the arrival of a lukewarm apology and more of their bl**dy porridge.

[Secret Simon]

Welcome cube - it's great to hear from you! After this incident, I too decided to examine my food more thoroughly in future, though this resolve has already diminished. I've realized that when you eat things like muesli and cereal bars, it's actually quite difficult to be sure of what you're eating. The truth is that we have to place a lot of trust in the manufacturers and I suppose we should just be grateful that they get it right most of the time.

The gluten-free porridge people have told me that they have now changed their raw materials supplier so the problem will not reoccur. But I find I'm not convinced. I won't be buying their products in future. Rightly or wrongly, my trust in this particular manufacturer has gone.

[Secret Simon]

Hi Grace - I'm glad you liked the post. The Sue Ann theory received support from our Tai Chi teacher today. Apparently a lot of Tai Chi masters, who are otherwise very fit, have big bellies - apparently it's to hold all the Chi (life energy). My wife looked rather chagrined to hear this. She knows when she's on to a loser. Whenever she complains about my beer belly in future, I can tell her it's full of Chi.

Thanks to everyone for your comments! (Even Timothy. Well, it's Christmas...)