Letting Go

I'm becoming more and more aware of how important it is to really feel - and so release - our suppressed emotions. I've described in a previous post, A Sun-Filled Room, how important this is for spiritual transformation. Put simply, we have a natural connection to joy, to bliss, to our true nature, but this connection is clogged up by all our emotional debris.

We have this debris because over the years, we've learned not to feel our emotions. Events have come along but rather than allow ourselves to fully react, we've pushed it all down inside. We've been taught that we shouldn't cry, or we shouldn't lose our temper - and we have gone along with this.

Yet these emotions are crying out to be released. This is why the same old things keep coming along to annoy us. We're attracting these things to us, begging them to push our buttons so that we can release the great well of emotion within us. But time and time again, we keep pushing it all down again...

Which is why the world is in the state it's in, with domestic violence, road rage, even monks now brawling in church! Small things come along to annoy us, and a lot of the time, the way we react is totally out of proportion to whatever has happened. This is because we're not upset for the reason we think we are. The truth is that this new event has connected with the great reservoir of hurt we hold inside us. It's not really losing our place in the queue today that's annoyed us. It's the buried memory of that ice cream we didn't get when we were five - or of the lover who left us a couple of decades later.

We really need to release all this stuff. But how do we do it?

The bottom line is that we need to allow ourselves to really feel these emotions when they come up, not push them back down again. We need to remember that they are coming up in order to be released.

We also need to realize that when we get all hot and bothered like this, we're not being un-spiritual. Far from it - we need to understand that this is an important part of the process of spiritual transformation. A vital part. But we do need to have techniques we can use whenever these emotions arise. Otherwise, the opportunity to release them is going to be wasted.

My friend Sue Ann of Always Embraces Always teaches a very simple technique to use at such times. She says: "Just breathe and embrace the feelings. If you need something to keep your thoughts entertained and occupied while you do it, then concentrate on the breathing. Just let the feelings come up and out." I think this technique is particularly useful because it's so easy to bring to mind when emotions suddenly surface.

If you find that the feelings stick around, you may like to try another useful technique, which I found on Phil Bolsta's blog. It was developed by Dr Ibrahim Jaffe and it's called Awareness Release Technique. (You may recognise Phil's name in connection with his book, Sixty Seconds, which I posted about recently.)

Previous posts at The Secret Of Life have featured other strategies:

How To Deal With Difficult Emotions features Nick Roach's technique for dissolving emotions.

The Ultimate Truth 3 describes another breathing technique which I call 'the welcome breath'.

Emotional Freedom Technique has links to online tuition on this popular tapping technique.

Ten Words That Can Heal The World deals with Ho'oponopono, which I have also found to be very helpful in dissolving emotions.

The Quantum Light Breath is a very powerful breathing exercise which can help to release emotions.

Releasing emotions can sometimes require forgiveness - of others and often ourselves - so I'd like to draw attention to another recent post on Phil Bolsta's blog, this one featuring Eva Kor, a holocaust survivor who has forgiven her Nazi tormentors. Do take a look. It's the text of a wonderful, moving speech which Eva recently gave. She is proposing an addendum to The Universal Declaration Of Human Rights.

She explains: "I want every human being to know that they have the human right to live free of emotional pain, and they can accomplish this by taking back control over their lives by forgiving their enemies, and even forgiving themselves for their past mistakes, which is the hardest thing to do."

Comments

[Bendz]

Hi,

Nice post. We suppress our feelings because of our society. Releasing stress will give a good relaxation and a good mood to us.

Nice post and Keep it up.
:-)

[Sue Ann Edwards]

Hi Simon!

{{{hugs}}}

By the Law of Attraction, we WILL attract TO us, whatever the resonance is within us. That's why it is so important we let our suppressed emotions out. By their very resonance, they "draw" like resonances..."the Law of Correspondence".

One time over a period of months my husband kept having experiences with 'liars'. Frustrated, one day he asked me, "what's this all about? I don't lie so how come I keep attracting liars to me?" And I answered him by saying that it was his chosen attitude of judgment ABOUT lying that was the cause.

Of course we don't like "lies" (usually). But instead of judging and condemning "lying", it is healthier to UNDERSTAND why we do it. Then we can respond in ways OF Understanding, rather then in ways of personal offense.

Once he understood it was his relationship TO lies, his RESPONSE pattern to them, that was the cause of his attraction, he changed the way he related and consequently, his responses.

I think it ever so misguided for a Holocaust survivor to "forgive" her ~Nazi tormentors~, in view of the FACT that such an attitude is coming from a perspective of a VICTIM. She might as well be swallowing poison, so long as that VICTIM perspective remains.

I say again.

We REAP as we SOW.

As a Group of Us named "Hebrew" used our beliefs throughout the centuries as a reason for attitudes of bias, prejudice, righteousness and attitudes of supremacy, based on religion, so did we reap as we sow. 1000's of years of sowing, all balanced in one generation.

WHEN the "Holocaust survivor" chooses to forgive THEMSELVES/ourselves, for our own beliefs, is when the TRUE and GENUINE healing begins and NOT BEFORE.

I note that the *old* energy of bias and prejudice and arrogance is still very much being expressed by another "Nazi". This time wearing a white frock and a funny hat. Ever since this Nazi Pope took office, all he's been expressing is more prejudice, more bias, more arrogance and more reasons to reject loving ourselves.

Catholic, Hebrew, Muslim, Buddhist..., doesn't matter which one, for spiritual bias is spiritual bias, spiritual prejudice is spiritual prejudice and attitudes of spiritual supremacy, are attitudes of supremacy.

If everywhere I lived, I had trouble getting along with my neighbors, then sooner or later I'd start thinking that MAYBE it wasn't my neighbors.

You see..., by recognizing the nation of Israel in the 50's, the UN sanctioned armed aggression as a valid means of territorial expansion. I'd like to see us claim that responsibility and rescind that decision, withdrawing our sanction to armed aggression.

And of course, change the naming of the land back to "Palestine". That WOULD resolve the conflict in that area.

[Marion]

These stuck emotions can bring up much fear, as I have learned. The fear was the most difficult to get over. I learned to stand and face it. This gave me power to dig out the old hurts and understand I was no longer helpless in the face of them. I learned to find good, strong power in forgiveness of others and myself.

Super post, Simon!

[AngelBaby]

This is so true. I think one thing we should remember is that feelings are energy in motion and we need to release them so we can move on. There is nothing worse than staying stuck because we are afraid to feel.

I have something for you at my site so come by and see.

Love and Blessings,
AngelBaby

[Robin]

Yay I say!

Simon - I had a kinesiology session the other day, and it really shifted some energy. After I got home I had a breathing release for a while, and now I feel quite different. I am trying to heal a few physical ailments - I'll see how it goes.

[Maithri]

Great post and a beautiful blog!

I totally agree with the importance of releasing emotions... of freeing the emotional body from the encumbrance of the past.

I find exercise helps ;) As does quiet time at the beach, watching waves break upon the shore,

Blessings of peace and hope,

Maithri

[gypsy-heart]

Excellent thought provoking post!

A few times in meditation something happened that I did not understand..I just sobbed. It came from no where. Or so I thought.

The first time, I think it was releasing what I held hidden under the layers. Those buried emotions that you speak of. It was after this experience that I "put down my weapons" ..I stopped fighting. I finally realized the battle was within my own being.

After that happened an amazing peace filled in the space previously held by guilt, worries, insecurities, painful memories, etc.

The second time in meditation it was different...it was for all of us...the needless suffering we do to each other and to ourselves.

Since that happened though..I can feel the energies of others..their guilt, worries, etc. It is very draining at times (thus my hermit way of life). Sometimes I have to leave a room, because it is overwhelming. Especially places like hospitals or treatment centers.

I could say a lot more..but I think, enough said.

Does this make any sense to you? I would like to understand what it all means.

Thank you for BEing.

[Simon]

Hi Bendz – Thanks for dropping by! As you rightly say, releasing stress and other emotions can make us feel more relaxed and happy, which is of great value in itself. I think there are also other benefits which may be less immediately apparent, such as the spiritual connection I mention in my post – and also the effect on the way we interact with the world. If we are troubled, it interferes with the way we relate to others, which can have far-reaching consequences for our lives.

[Simon]

Hi Sue Ann – Thanks for pointing out another important consequence of suppressed emotions, which is actually related to the one I just mentioned. They affect the operation of the law of attraction. They will tend to get in the way of any ‘positive’ intentions we put out, and – as you say – draw like resonances to us. As you like to put it (and I’ve got it now!) ‘the outside affects the inside’. So troubled emotions we are holding within us will tend to produce a troubled life.

As for the rest of your comment, I know I can always rely on you for a bit of controversy! I understand the underlying wisdom of what you are saying, but is it really helpful to call the Pope a “Nazi”, even if he does make the occasional unhelpful remark about other faiths? What vocabulary do you then have left to describe people who commit mass genocide in pursuit of ethnic ‘cleansing’, for instance?

I can see that it is possible to forgive yet still think of ourselves as a victim, and that this victim consciousness has to be transcended for full healing to take place. It is easy to overlook this and thank you for pointing it out. But I’ve just looked again at Eva Kor’s speech and it seems to me that she understands this. She understands that in learning to forgive she is liberating herself from victimhood. It seems to me that it is a true, not a grudging, forgiveness.

This was someone who as a small child was separated from her parents and tortured. At that time, she probably understood little of the ideology of her faith and could not have separated herself from it even if she had wanted to. I find it hard to accept that forgiveness in such circumstances has no value. If we could all progress to such a level – even if there is a distance still to go – then it seems to me that the world would be transformed for the better.

[Simon]

Marion – Thanks for your interesting comment. A lot of the time I think it is simply habit which stops us facing these emotions – coupled with lack of awareness of what we are holding inside us. But the process of release is a complex business, and even when we have realized what is going on, there are other doors to be unlocked. I’m sure that the fear you mention is a common barrier to opening those doors. It seems likely that it stands guard over some of mine. I have yet to discover…

Hi Angelbaby – Yes – e-motions are energy in motion. Thanks for reminding us! That’s a good way to remember what’s really going on here…

Robin – Hi! I haven’t had kinesiology in a while and I think its efficacy depends on the skill of the practitioner, but it’s quite a remarkable phenomenon. It seems to me that it’s proof we’re in touch with some central reservoir of wisdom. I hope you’re making progress with your ailments.

[Simon]

Hi Maithri – Welcome to my blog – and thanks for your comment! I think we all have to discover our own ways of releasing our emotions. Exercise makes us feel better by releasing endorphins into the body. Watching waves on the shore is a good way to connect with the moment, with stillness. So I find myself wondering if these are ways of facing (and so releasing) our emotions or of simply granting us temporary release? Just at this moment (no pun intended!), I’m not really sure. I think perhaps they are both great ways to connect with the moment – as is the breathing which Sue Ann recommends, so perhaps they have the same effect. Perhaps this connection allows us to view our emotions from a different perspective and understand that they are separate from ourselves – something we no longer have to hold onto.

[Simon]

Hi gypsy-heart - Thanks so much for visiting and for sharing all this! Most of us seem to struggle for years to release all our pent-up emotions. You seem to have released a lot of them all at once. I think a lot of these emotions of ours have been stored away/suppressed at earlier times in our lives, but others may be from previous lives or may have been passed on genetically from our ancestors. In your second incident, you seem to have gone even further than this and released emotions on behalf of us all. This is really beautiful. Thank you!

But I'm concerned that the way in which you now seem to be tuning in to the emotions of others is encouraging you to lead a solitary lifestyle. You have referred to this in your blog and I had assumed it was a free choice. But if you are feeling obliged to cut yourself off to escape from this pain you are picking up, it seems very unfair on you.

You seem to be such a powerful conduit for the release of suppressed emotions. So are others (unknowingly) using you to release their own 'stuff'? Kind of like people piggybacking on someone's else's broadband connection? :-) I find myself wondering if this is what is happening. But the truth is, I'm out of my depth here. I don't really know.

It seems to me that others will, however, and that, if you wish, it should be possible to do something about it. I will be in touch by email...

[AngelBaby]

Where oh Where are you? Are you ok? I miss you, I came here for some inspiration and you are not here. Now I am bummed!

I have something for you at my site please come by and see it. Then let me know if you are alright, OK?

Love and Blessings,
AngelBaby

[Simon]

I'm fine, thanks, Angelbaby, just kind of *slow* at the moment! I hope to have a new post ready in a few days...

[AngelBaby]

Of course you can use Martha's affirmation, just link back to me, OK?

I am so glad to hear that you are alright, it makes my day!

Love and Blessings,
AngelBaby

[Beth Partin]

Simon,

this post about suppressing emotions reminded me of an episode of How I Met Your Mother, in which Ted talks about being from Ohio. People from Ohio, he says, don't feel their pain, they just push more pain down on top of it.

I've always been somewhat ashamed of these leftover emotional reactions, thought I should have been over them by now. But just accepting the feelings is a great way to deal with it. Thanks.

[Simon]

Thanks for dropping by, Beth! People in Ohio sound very like people here in Britain - and indeed, to a greater or lesser extent - like people all over the world. There is certainly no need to be ashamed of those leftover emotions. We all have them - and we all need to get rid of them. But the good thing to remember is that the more we *feel* them - the more we really allow ourselves to feel them without getting sucked into conversations in our heads about why we have them - the more they are on their way out.

[AngelBaby]

Hi Simon,

Where oh where are you? Are you alright? I miss you allot. Let me know if you are alright, OK?

Love and Blessings,
AngelBaby

[Simon]

Hi Angelbaby - I'm back at last! I had a bit of a virus last week, which made stringing words together kind of challenging...

[Liara Covert]

Happy New Year! It is a meaningful and encouraging reflection to encourage your readers to learn what it really means to feel. So often, people are conditioend to deny, avoid, disregard or repress their emtotions without discovering what these really mean. You reappear on this blog with loads of uplifting energy. Great to hear from you again!

[Simon]

Happy new year to you too, Liara! It's great to hear from you again. Yes, I think this is very important. 'Feeling cheerful' techniques have their place, but there comes a time when the feelings inside us just have to be faced: not to wallow in them, but to release them and so to free ourselves of their constraints.

[Barbara]

I dont know what i think about Eva Kor... I mean, it's unbelievable, what a power she has... but is it allways good for the soul to forgive? I dont know, if i can do this too, when someone dos hurt me like she is hurt... I feel only contempt and the desire for retaliation for "humans" like Dr.Mengele... She's a great woman, really great!.. i'm speechless, but i will link to the candlesmuseum...!

[Simon]

Hi Barbara - Many thanks for dropping by and thank you for your thoughts. I think it helps to realize that if we *don't* forgive, then it is usually we ourselves who suffer. Most of the time, the people we bear a grudge against don't even know about it. They carry on their lives in blissful ignorance of how we are feeling. Our anger and resentment hurt them not at all. We, however, have to carry those emotions round with us all the time and that doesn't feel very good. So if we can learn to forgive, it is not necessarily for the sake of anyone else but for ourselves.

I also think it helps to realize that if people behave 'badly', it tends to be out of ignorance. They behave according to the state of consciousness in which they are dwelling.

Even with this understanding, forgiveness can often be difficult because of our own emotions. Like you say, we often desire retaliation, sometimes over quite insignificant matters. Eva Kor's forgiveness seems almost superhuman, but the truth is that we often find it hard to forgive people for far more trivial transgressions.

I think it helps to work on releasing our emotions using some of the techniques I've described in this post. The one I use most frequently these days is Ho'oponopono, though Emotional Freedom Technique is also very popular. It is natural for us to feel 'negative' emotions from time to time, but when we get stuck in them, they in turn keep us stuck in unforgiveness - and stuck in suffering.

I took a look at your blog, Barbara. Your artwork is wonderful! I love the angel wing...

I find myself wondering, too, if you would be interested in my friend Angelbaby's site, since she deals with all things angelic:
http://yourcaringangels.com/